So Long Insecurity

Yesterday was very relaxing. I love Fridays! I slept in, cleaned, went to the pool, and then curled up in a blanket, enjoyed a good cup of coffee, and read. I am reading So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. It is my second time to read it. It's just that good!

Yesterday, I mentioned that we are training for the St. Jude marathon. I've never ran a full marathon, just a half. After I ran my last half, I hated running. Absolutely hated it. I put too much pressure on myself. As silly as it sounds, I got race anxiety. I remember I almost threw up when the race began because I was nervous. I thought I would be a failure if I didn't finish the race in the amount of time I wanted to. Who is a failure after running a half marathon? No one. After that, I said that's it. No more for me. And I didn't run for about a year. I guess I needed a break from running. I love it now!!

I want to finish my marathon in under a certain time, but I am not going to consider myself a failure if I don't. I will be happy to cross the finish line! I have a long journey ahead of me. There will be times when I get discouraged and will want to quit. Thankfully Jonathan will be right there with me. He is always so encouraging.

Satan likes to convince me that I am a failure. Whether that's at running, being a friend, a wife, teacher, etc. Sometimes I ask myself "who should you really look to for hope and confidence?" Not myself. Not Jonathan. Not my friends and family. But God.

As I was reading So Long Insecurity, Beth had me read Jeremiah 17:5-8

"Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

Then I looked at the next page and this is what I saw:

I started thinking, "which am I? A bush or a tree?" Sometimes I put so much pressure on myself to look a certain way, have a certain personality, run a race in a certain time, have a nice home, etc. But, like God's word says, those who put hope in themselves will be like a dried up bush that produces no fruit. I must put my confidence in the Lord. He is my rock.

That is my prayer today, that I would wake up every morning and know that God is my hope and confidence. To not put unnecessary pressure on myself or Jonathan to feel secure. God is my security.